OK, there's a lot goin' on here but I'll do my best. hehe.
First of all, I understand what you are saying about crowds. I am a teacher and only able to visit the west coast on crowded school breaks. I've been going to Disneyland in June the past 3 years & YES the parks can be PACKED but there are PLENTY of techniques I've learned that absolutely work to get you around the parks with ease even during busy times.
Take advantage of "early morning entry," seriously & on the days it's not available get there before opening. You get this early morning entry by staying at one of the official DL resort hotels, or if you have certain park hoppers. If there is ONE HUGE thing I've noticed about Disneyland people don't seem to flood the park until 10-11am-ish. Every single trip we've made to Disneyland in the summer we get out there EARLY, LITERALLY cover 1/2 the park (sometimes twice) before the crowds even start to pour in. Most of the time we don't even use Fast Passes because there just isn't a huge crowd in the morning. We then have a relaxing lunch, perhaps take a nap back at the hotel, and go back out later.
As far as the hotels go, well if you are asking me, I'd say either DLH or GC are the only way to go. I've never stayed at Paradise Pier and honestly I probably never will. It's just not for me. Hotel really comes down to preference. The Disneyland Hotel feels a little busier than the GC, everything is heavily Disneyland themed, it's closest to the monorail, diverse dining options, etc. The Grand Californian is peaceful, obviously as close to the parks as you can get, and has amazing dining options (Storytellers' Cafe & Napa Rose). You can't go wrong with either one, they are both great resorts. I've never bothered to pay extra for a view & we've always ended up with a nice one; this past June we ended up over the pool w/ a view of DtD & when we stayed at GC last year we ended up overlooking a pretty courtyard.
I've never been to Disneyland in November but if you keep doing your research on-line you'll discover all sorts of information on "busy/slow" seasons, refurbishment schedules, dining reviews, etc. There is plenty of information out there & I think you've started in a great place.
