[Grumpy]

OK, I was not sure where to put this thread. We have a problem. DH and I will be going to Disney next year. We have been planning this trip for 4 years and saving up. The problem is.....he has a brother that lives about 1 1/2 hours from Orlando I think. We only see him at the most once a year when he comes back for holidays. My DH really does not like to around him because of some stuff that has happened in the past. If he is back and at their parents for a holiday we always go and try to put up with him. We are not renting a car and we are staying on site. Vacations to us mean getting away from everything and just spending time together. We have never been down there to see him. Are we awful people for not renting a car and going and seeing him? He doesn't even know we are coming yet. Our thought was to tell him a month or two before the trip and say we would love to get together on property some where and see you and have dinner or something. I know that he really wants everyone to come down and see his house. Are we terrible people? We are probably going to make some people mad when they find out. We probably won't be able to afford another trip down there for 5 - 10 years so I want to make the best out of this one.

[Dopey]

WEll, if you don't have a good relationship with him and he means no more to you than the people down the road, why not just go about your plans as you PLANNED them?

I would not feel obligated in the least to visit anyone, especially if it would put a dent into your fun and look at how long you've been saving...

[gingita]

I would just go ahead and keep your plans. After all, it's your vacation and you can choose what to do with your time. If others are upset, then it's okay. They aren't the ones who are spending the money to take a vacation to get away from everything. I think the dinner offer would be plenty generous, especially if there are hard feelings from the past.

[tinkerbell]

ok I do not feel your a bad person at all ..this is your time and your vacation.. and let me tell you .. I have a sister who lives in Jacksonville Fl. .. she annoys me and my husband .. she maybe my sister but I still do not like her ..she has made lots of remarks about our trips to WDW and never coming to see her ..or letting her know when we are going to be there .. well we dont want our time at WDW ruined. No matter what you do or how you do it .. WDW is an expensive vacation ..and if for no other reason it cost too much to have it ruined when you can avoid it!!!!!

[tinkerbell]

and in case you couldnt tell .. I feel very strongly about this.. but I do not feel guilty about it!

[lovemysons]

Oh I agree. Do not change your plans. We happen to be plagued with a few members of our family who do nothing but suck the life out of everyone around them. We have learned to avoid them at all costs. Family is important, yes, but, life is too short to spend time with people you don't want to be with!

[Grumpy]

Tinkerbell your situation sounds just like ours. My husband cannot get excited about this trip I know because he is worrying about what to do. My suggestion was to go and not tell anyone in his family what we were doing. We are grown adults and do not need their permission to do anything. He normally could care less about what he family thinks so I don't know why it is different this time. I have been to WDW twice but he has never been. I want this to be a trip of a lifetime so I really want him to be able to go and not even think about it. I was planning on being at the parks for 6 days which is a lot of days but still not enough to do everything. I would hate to cut it down to five.

[mickeymommy]

My DH and I have had the same situation with several friends that live in the Orlando area. We haven't mentioned to them that we went to WDW, and don't feel guilty about it. It is your vacation and chances are you have every moment planned. If you still feel that you must make some effort, inform him of the one or two times that you could meet for dinner on property (we've met at Planet Hollywood for dinner before). That way you still get a dinner, have made the effort, and it's a short time to put up with him if he does make the effort to meet you.

[tigger]

I have a similar relationship in my family. I have been to the city where my bad relation lives a number of times. We never let them know that we are coming and everyone in the family knows to keep their big mouths shut about it.

If he already knows you are coming put it on him to come and see you (seeing that you have no car). Then make it very specific on the time, place, and how long you can be with him. Doing this will discourage him from making the trip and put it on him if he makes a stink about not seeing you (you had no car and he didn't wasn’t to make the trip down to see you while you were on vacation at a resort with no off site transportation).

Best of luck with it...and tell you DH not to let someone else have the power to ruin his trip

[tinkerbell]

Originally Posted by Grumpy

Tinkerbell your situation sounds just like ours. My husband cannot get excited about this trip I know because he is worrying about what to do. My suggestion was to go and not tell anyone in his family what we were doing. We are grown adults and do not need their permission to do anything. He normally could care less about what he family thinks so I don't know why it is different this time. I have been to WDW twice but he has never been. I want this to be a trip of a lifetime so I really want him to be able to go and not even think about it. I was planning on being at the parks for 6 days which is a lot of days but still not enough to do everything. I would hate to cut it down to five.

There could be any number of reason's ..mainly guilt ..but he has nothing to feel guilty about. You are right ..you do not have to tell anyone and I personally do not believe anyone has the right to take away something important like your time. Time is more valuable then money really..you give your time though more freely and it should be done with out feeling like you *had* to. You can work and make more money ..but you can never work to make up that lost time.. I hope you can make your husband understand how this should be yours and his time.
On a funny note along this same subject, while a long time friend and I were walking and talking this morning it came up again that we were both the oldest of very large families ... and how we had more then a few "problem" siblings in both our families. As Zarzu says in the Lion King .. "there is one in every family sire, two in mine actually"

[JOANN]

You are not a terrible person. This is your vacation, and you should do what your heart tells you. Worse thing that could happen, is you tell them you are not renting a car, and ask if they would like to meet you for dinner one night. That is at one of the Parks. If not, you could have said you did try. But bottom line, Disney is to expensive to worry. You should just concentrate on having a wonderful trip!!!!!!!!!!! JOANN

[pumouse]

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT feel guilty! If anything, tell him if you have time you will stop by. Then when the time comes, you didn't have time. Vacation is not a time for guilt!

[tinkerbell]

Originally Posted by pumouse

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT feel guilty! If anything, tell him if you have time you will stop by. Then when the time comes, you didn't have time. Vacation is not a time for guilt!

amen and pass the ketchup .. the time for guilt is after the vacation when you see the credit card bills

[bethishooked]

Vacation is Vacation!!!! I'm sure your brother doesn't take you on his vacation, why would you feel obligated to have him attend yours.

I've learned time and time again, no matter how hard you try to please everyone, there is always someone who gets offended. So, why worry what others think if you know you are a good person and do the right things.

[Dopey]

I think it is unanimous, go on your well deserved, very expensive vacation and don't tell the brother that you are going to be in Fl. Easy!!!